
Written by Joy Hibbins, Founder of an award-winning Suicide Crisis Centre
I run a Suicide Crisis Centre, and over the years, I have heard many myths being expressed – especially about suicide risk. These misconceptions can mean people don’t always recognise someone’s risk of suicide. It’s so important to correct the misunderstandings that exist around suicidal intent to ensure people receive the help that they need.
Myth “Someone who talks about suicide won’t actually end their life.”
In reality, many people who are at significant risk of suicide talk about it. They may make direct comments about feeling suicidal – but they may make quite casual remarks about wanting to end their life. It would be very easy to miss the significance of these, because of the casual manner in which they are expressed.
Casual remarks about feeling suicidal should always be taken seriously.
As part of our research into deaths by suicide, we attended inquests over a six-month period. The evidence showed that two of the individuals (who had taken their own lives) had made casual remarks about suicide in the days before they died.
One of them had said: ‘I don’t know why I don’t just kill myself.’ The other had said: ‘I might as well kill myself.’ Understandably, friends and family members might not immediately recognise these remarks as a sign of increased risk. Our research shows how important it is to take notice of every expression of suicidal intent, however it is expressed.
It can be very difficult to tell friends or family members that you are having suicidal thoughts. This is why some people may say it in a casual way.
Myth “A genuinely suicidal person won’t ask for help”
One of the myths I hear most often is: “They are asking for help so they don’t really want to end their life”
I sometimes hear this from people working in front line crisis and emergency services, as well as from friends, neighbours and family members of someone who is in suicidal crisis.
In reality, many people who go on to end their life ask for help for their suicidal thoughts at some point, or they tell someone or give other indications that they are at risk of suicide.
When someone asks for help, you may only have a short window of opportunity in which to do so. Their willingness (or ability) to seek help may fluctuate. If they are depressed, their depression may deepen as the days pass – and their suicide risk may increase, too. As they become more depressed, they may withdraw from the world and stop seeking help. So it is vital that we try to help them while we can, because they might withdraw and stop asking for help in a few days’ or a few weeks’ time.
Why can someone still ask for help when they want to end their life?
It can help to understand their risk in this way. There is still a small part of them that wants to survive – a small part of them that is still holding onto life. The bigger part of them may have strong intent to end their life at that point, but there is still a small part of them that is enabling them to survive. This is a very fragile situation – their grip on life may be very tenuous at this point – and we need to do everything we can to help them survive.
Myth: It’s attention-seeking
I have sometimes heard friends or neighbours say “it’s attention-seeking, isn’t it?” – particularly if someone is frequently expressing suicidal thoughts.
It implies that someone is trying to gain attention for negative reasons. It may also give the impression that we should not take what they are saying seriously.
We can think of this in a different way: “They are drawing my attention to the fact that they are feeling suicidal.”
They are letting you know that they are in crisis and that they need help. It’s important to always take this seriously.
It’s also important to think about the reasons why someone may be expressing suicidal thoughts more frequently – why they may be experiencing frequent episodes of suicidal crisis. They may have through something very traumatic, for example. If someone is trying to cope with severe post-traumatic symptoms, it can be very destabilising. And they may not have been able to access the right help yet – because it sometimes takes time before someone is ready to have trauma-focused psychological therapy (which is available through the NHS).
Myth: “Feeling suicidal is a sign of weakness”
In reality, a suicidal crisis can happen to people who have been extremely self-reliant throughout their life. During a family crisis, they may bury their own feelings and care for everyone else. They are often described as the “rock” of the family or ‘the strong one’.
Crucially, they may have never learned to ask for help or support – and this is the key part. Whenever adverse events happen in their life, they suppress them and carry on. They often look after everyone else’s needs, rather than their own. These painful life events remain locked inside them.
The pain of major life events can accumulate over the years. We all have a limit to what we can endure and sometimes a final trigger may occur – one too many painful life events. This can ‘unlock’ painful or traumatic events, which they have filed away in a compartment of their mind. The years of pain that have built up inside them may be released at this point. It can be overwhelming, and for some people, it may trigger a suicidal crisis.
It’s important to remember that our friends and family members who may seem the most self-reliant may ultimately be the most vulnerable to having suicidal thoughts.
The more we address the myths around suicide, the more we can all understand and can help individuals at risk of suicide.
“The Suicide Prevention Guidebook: How To Support Someone Who Is Having Suicidal Feelings” explains more about the complexity of suicidal feelings and how to support someone during a period of suicidal crisis.









